I don’t know how it happens to you but here’s how it happens to me. Usually somebody says something to me that gets me angry. This comes in a couple of different ways. The first way is somebody accuses me of something that isn’t true. They question my motives and say that those motives were not pure. That gets me angry. Another thing is to demean me. Marginalize my role, marginalize my words, or marginalize my actions in a given situation. That gets me angry.
Why does that get me angry? Because I never feel like I deserve to be treated like that. I believe strongly that what I deserve is to be treated better. Why? Because I’m special. Because I’m worthy.
Am I “worthy”?
Y’know what? Maybe not. Hey, probably not. It’s really not important right now. It’s not really the problem in my life. The true problem that I would love to get rid of, above all else, is the thinking about it over and over. I would love to be able to turn off the brooding and the sulking. I would love very much to be able to “let it go”.
When it has been a real “doozy” I turn that conversation over and over in my head. I can’t stop the scenarios of what I could have and should have said and how I could have put that guy in his place if I had said…
It’s awful. I hate it more than what was said to me. I liken it to a sunburn or something. Nothing but time will make that searing go away. And it does go away. Some of these events were destructive like a bomb at the time and now I don’t remember them.
Now that I am “in between” these catastrophic events, I haven’t had one in the recent past, it’s time to prepare for the next one. I’m sure one’s coming in the future some time. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. I want to look at it with rational thought. Where does the anger come from?
James 4
1 Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members?
2 You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask.
3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.
Let’s start out by seeing that at the core there is a selfishness. James here asks where the war and fighting is coming from. He says it’s from your “desires” to have what you want and yet cannot have. Jesus taught us that murder really comes from anger born in the heart, (Matthew 15:19). None of us will probably kill anybody but we’ll sure dream about it.
And what is it that you and I want? Well, a lot of times it’s to be respected. We tend to feel strongly that we should be listened to or that we shouldn’t have to do this or that because we’ve come a long way and deserve to be above that.
Should we be respected? Should we be above demeaning ourselves to less?
Perhaps. Again, I don’t want to concentrate on the situations in our day to day lives that spark the anger. I want to look at how we can finally have some peace in spite of the insult.
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
I want that peace when the trials come and, take it from me, these attacks of anger and the looping “what I shoulda said” are a trial!
The key is to know what we desire…
James 1
But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. 15 Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.
What do we “desire”? As I said, we desire to be respected. We desire, may I say, to be exalted,.
But the Bible teaches us to desire something absolutely foreign…
Philippians 2:5-9
5 Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, 7 but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. 9 Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name,
Humble ourselves. The world tells us to “stand up for ourselves”. The world says that we have rights and we need to fight for them when they’re violated.
But God’s word says the opposite. You will find this teaching all through the New Testament.
Philippians 2:3-4
3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.
What if we can come to the beautiful understanding that it’s not about us? Not to just say it and agree with it but really feel it?
Luke 14:10-11
10 But when you are invited, go and sit down in the lowest place, so that when he who invited you comes he may say to you, ‘Friend, go up higher.’ Then you will have glory in the presence of those who sit at the table with you. 11 For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
If we had that in our hearts, sunk in and fixed, we would not give two seconds of thought when we don’t get our “rights” or we get passed over or when we are insulted. That anger would stop.
And there would be peace. There would be peace because we would know in our hearts that it’s irrelevant whether a condemned world respects me or not.
Or, on top of that, even when our own Church brothers and sisters don’t give us respect. How would you feel if nobody ever, not even once, ever said “thank you” for anything you do for the church?
What if nobody ever listened to your ideas or your advice? Or what if they stole your advice?
What if you sat in the churches’ cheap seats the rest of your life and never got to teach a Sunday school or play your guitar in the praise band or got invited to lunch with the pastor?
John 13:14
If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet.
In the grand scheme of things me being respected, honored, promoted, exalted, or flattered is useless and going to burn with the rest of the world.
I am dead in Christ and no where should it be me seen at all!
Colossians 3:2-4
2 Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. 3 For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.
Therefore, don’t get angry when your dead self is never respected. It has no right to be.
This isn’t frustrating, it’s liberating and it pleases God.
But I can’t end this without mentioning another important piece of advice. Be on guard against the false teachers who want you to fix your mind and heart on yourself and what you desire. These come with a message to “Be the best you you can be.” We’ve all heard this.
“God wants you to be prosperous in money and possessions.” And, “God wants you be all that you can be.”
This is counterproductive to His goal for our eternal lives. God does not want any of us to stagnate as our old self albeit a blood bought self. He wants us to be like His Son…
Romans 8:29
For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.
And we’ve already seen what His Son is like, (Philippians 2:5-9).
He wants us to be someone far more…
2 Corinthians 3:18
But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.
We must die to self. There, in His death, we can find a life that grows into the likeness of Him. And it is none of our concern whether we are respected or thanked.
We can tell everyone around us, including ourselves, “You want to respect somebody? You want to thank somebody? Thank Jesus Christ. I am hidden in His death and if you can see any part of me I am not hiding well enough.”
Mark 10:31
But many who are first will be last, and the last first.
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